between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
