it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
foreskin is a definite game changer
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
