Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize