I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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