New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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