he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
