i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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