Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
