i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
