I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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