I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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