Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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