just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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