escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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