Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
