oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
