Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
