don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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