Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
