So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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