My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
