Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
