Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize