he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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