Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
