How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
