Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
