Define "chronic" masturbator.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
