I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
