Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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