I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
