I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
