There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize