And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
