I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
