guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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