I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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