had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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