I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
