how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
wow bdsm is so cute
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
