She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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