I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
