And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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