he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
