I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
