3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize