Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
