my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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