In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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