Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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