I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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