I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
