No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
