Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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