Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
