Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
