Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
