You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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