Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
