she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
