so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
