corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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