I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize