i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
