Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
