after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think people are normalizing furries
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
