I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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