your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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