well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
