3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
