So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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