in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
