If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
