Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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