Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
