I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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