I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
