dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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