Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
