Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize