So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
