What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
