Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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