so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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