Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
whose parrot is this?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pooping to opera.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
