I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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