We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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