We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
