my being single is dangerous.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I lost the right to judge tonight
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
