He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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