Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
