i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize