i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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