20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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