he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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