there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
