My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it penis luge time yet?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
