then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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