took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
