Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
