David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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