I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
