see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
