You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
