I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
