you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
