they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
