Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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