so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
