carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
