I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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