You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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