Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
