No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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