I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize