There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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