I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Panties = found
Randomize
