highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im part way to drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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